


An Affterthought

by Sparisoma



Category: Cinderbrush (Web Series), Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Aff really needs to clean their room, Friendship, based off a Chicken Soup for the Soul Story, unsanitary and non recommended food storage methods
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:08:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22983031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sparisoma/pseuds/Sparisoma
Summary: Aff buys themselves a snack, hides it in their room, and promptly forgets about it.It was only a matter of time before it was rediscovered.Based off the Chicken Soup for the Soul story, 'Green Salami.'
Comments: 8
Kudos: 71





	An Affterthought

**Author's Note:**

> New year's resolution: Finish stories I'm working on. 
> 
> It's March, so I've got at least 9 more months?
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own the story 'Green Salami' from Chicken Soup for the Kids' Soul but I highly recommend reading it, it is one of the funniest short stories I have read and far better than this mess.

“Please dad?” A teenager shouldn’t be begging. There was probably like a code that once you were in high-school, you weren’t allowed to whine in a grocery store. And also like a werewolf code that you can’t use puppy eyes either. But Aff wasn’t exactly thinking of those things as they stood in their desperately-needing-to-be-washed-jeans and red polka-dot hoodie holding a roll of salami.

Someone who was grounded should not be pulling out all the stops in an attempt to get their dad to buy them salami.

“No Aff, pick something else,” their father said, “how about an apple?”

Although Samuel Flowers looked content to keep flipping through his coupon book and lazily push the cart of Sunday groceries, he used the tone parents used when they wanted you to know that they wouldn’t tolerate any more pleading.

Ever since Aff’s disastrous start to school, things had changed between them. Aff had told the biggest lie of their life which kick started a dumpster fire that had burned them both. Samuel Flowers wasn’t one to hold onto anger or punish harshly but now he listened more closely and was slower to grant Aff’s requests until he knew all the details.

It wasn’t as though Aff would ever lie again, they had felt so awful after the first time and had burst into tears upon seeing their father at the police station after the church fiasco. They almost puked they cried so hard apologizing over and over. Aff now followed every word, every request, as both a penance and an exercise in self-control.

Except now, when presented with artisanal, dry-cured salami with Italian seasonings.

Aff loved the salty, meaty treat on crackers, on sandwiches, in delicate individual slices. They mouth watered as they read the little label again. None of the different types of jerky sold in the family liquor store could ever compare to the star of the charcuterie board.

“Come on Aff, we need cereal,” their dad called pushing the cart to the next isle. Aff’s shoulders drooped but they put the salami back and dutifully followed.

Even though Aff had made well over $300 working at the family liquor store since The Incident, they still weren’t accepting any paychecks. Not a chance, they would not keep a single cent from their wages until the guilt had subsided.

However, after scavenging together all the spare change they could find in their car, under couch cushions, and under the vending machines as school, Aff returned to the grocery store and triumphantly walked out with the salami. Back home, Aff raced through the house to their room and shut the door behind them. Just as they were about to open the package, there was a knock at their door

“Aff? Could you open up for a second?” Their father called.

Aff jumped up from their bed and, not knowing what to do, hid the roll of salami under their bed.

“Yes dad?” They asked opening the door and trying to put on an innocent face.

Samuel seemed distracted as he zipped up his coat, “our neighbors two doors down need someone to jump-start their car; the battery is dead. Can you come help?”

“Um,” Aff bit their lip.

“It’s a good thing to learn to do,” Samuel said with a type of tone that parents used hinting that you didn’t actually have a choice they just wanted to make it seem like you did.

“Yes dad,” Aff said grabbing their ratty converse shoes and a denim jacket and following him down the stairs.

It turned out to be not that bad, their neighbor had a cool dog and later treated everyone to pizza in a restaurant in town. Aff returned to the house stressed about how late it had gotten and how little had been written in a book report due the next day. With the stress-induced-speediness of a student who had procrastinated just one hour too much, Af furiously tried to write down all the ways they related to the main character of the story.

They completely forgot about the salami.

A week passed. Aff got an B+ on their book report, the best they had ever gotten. Their dad gave the one of those really nice hugs that parents gave when they were super proud of you. Samuel ruffled Aff’s hair and said they could skip their shift that night to go hang out with their friends at the movies as a reward. 

Aff called Cameron and asked if he wanted to go see the new sci-fi film in the theater. And when they ran into Sasha in the parking lot out front, she actually decided to leave her little hive to watch the film with them. Jamie, although it wasn’t clear how they knew, was waiting in the theater lobby with an armful of snacks.

It was nice, the four of them sat together and made bad jokes and shared popcorn.

Aff wasn’t hungry when they got back home and so the salami under their bed remained forgotten.

A second week passed. Aff was really busy with working, doing homework, and spending more time with their three new friends. The group didn’t talk much at school, there weren’t many chances. As soon as the four of them had been let go with a minor delinquency case attached to their records, the teachers seemed to try and limit their contact in school. Despite this, they still tried to hang out as much as they could; going to the movies, walking around town, anger management classes. 

A third week passed. 

Aff had a bad habit of letting clothes fall on the floor along with shoes, old book reports, snack bags, notebooks, and other random junk. Aff could make a claim that there was a type of organization to the terrible mess however that argument would be moot if anyone saw them throwing piles of clothes and trash around looking for their second shoe.

“Hurry up!” Jamie called.

“Hold on!” Aff kicked a lump of two scarves, a hat, and a winter jacket they didn’t need in an unsuccessful attempt to find their second shoe.

“Wow, holy _fuck_. Dude how do you not get lost in your own room? This is worse than mine.”

Aff’s head whipped to the doorway where Cameron stood surveying the mess. Cameron ran a hand through his hair and looked like he was trying not to make a face.

“I’ll clean it this weekend,” Aff snapped finally finding the second shoe under some sheets that had recently been washed. Or had they not been washed yet and were waiting to be washed? Aff couldn’t recall.

“Whatever, just making sure you didn’t die or something” Cameron shrugged and began walking back to the front door where the others were waiting.

As Aff hastily tied the laces, they couldn’t help but notice something under their bed. Something small, cylindrical, and slightly _fuzzy._

Oh shit, it was the salami.

“Aff if you don’t get your ass down here we’re making you walk!” Jamie shouted

“They’re the one with the car genius,” Sasha snapped, “but seriously Aff what is taking so long?”

Aff made the grown-up, executive decision to do what most teens did when confronted with a problem that needed to be solved: promise to do it later and then _do absolutely nothing._

“I’m ready! Let’s go get pizza!” They called dashing down the stairs to their friends.

Wednesday, three and a half weeks since purchasing the salami, Aff was hiding their head in their arms on the table in the cafeteria.

“I can’t.” They said with the bitterness of a teen who only had themselves to blame.

“What do you mean ‘you can’t’?” Jamie snapped, “It’s a weekend out of this dump, how could you back out now?” They tossed their red and black hair over their shoulder and violently stabbed a piece of salad with their plastic fork.

“’No leaving with a messy room,’” Aff repeated the words their father had said with crossed arms and the tone that parents used when they wanted you to know that the imposed limitation was your own fault.

One seat over, Cameron coughed and almost choked on a piece of green Jell-O, “you _still_ haven’t cleaned your room?”

Aff tried to burrow farther into the little haven their arms had created, “just go without me.”

The three teens at the table jumped when a red tray suddenly slapped down at the only vacant seat followed by a flash of silver hair, the jingle of fine jewelry, and snap of manicured nails.

“Not happening,” Sasha said firmly, “we’ve all looked forward to getting out of here for a weekend and we’re not leaving anyone behind.”

“I’d leave Aff behin- _OW!”_

“Shut up Jamie,” Sasha said as she delicately cut into the meatloaf, “Cameron is taking us a go-cart track, I am taking us to a fun restaurant, Jamie is taking us shopping, and you, are taking us to shoot BB guns.”

As soon as the four of them had learned a 3-day weekend was coming up, they had started planning a trip to the nearest city. Each of them had picked something fun in the city for the others to do. The trip was honestly the only thing that had been keeping Aff going, motivating them to study, taking more time to do homework, and generally keeping their act together. The guilt had subsided over the past few weeks and when their father had given his blessing (after receiving a detailed itinerary), Aff had been over the moon.

Sasha reached across the table and pulled Aff from the hidey-hold they had created with their arms. Her strong hand lifted Aff’s chin to make eye contact with her.

“Do what you have to do to make this happen,” Sasha said with a tone that both inspired and intimidated. Aff wondered if Sasha used the same tone when ordering her hive to do her bidding. A shiver ran down their spine.

“We could help you?” Cameron said with a shrug.

The table fell silent.

“To quote my mother, ‘your mess, your mop,’” Jamie said holding their hands up, “no way.”

“Yeah my room is pretty bad,” Aff rubbing the back of their neck.

“Maybe if you need help dusting or something…” Cameron trailed off looking at the ground.

Sasha slammed her fists down on the table, “no backing out. 3:30 meet at Aff’s house. We don’t leave until the room is spotless. _Or else_.”

At 4:00pm, Jamie was sweeping piles of soda cans, bottles, and chip bags off Aff’s desk into a large garbage bag. Cameron was collecting notebooks, old homework assignments, and pencils into his arms. Sasha was gathering up cups, plates crusted with leftovers, and random utensils off the floor. Aff was sorting clothes between piles of what could use a washing, what _really needed_ a washing, and socks.

Samuel had been incredibly surprised to have his front door thrown open and Aff’s friends marched into his house and to Aff’s room at the behest of Sasha. After many assurances that Aff’s room would be in good hands, Samuel Flowers had left to go work at the liquor store. Shortly after, loud music had been started up, hair had been tied back, and complaints had been swiftly silenced once the cleaning had commenced.

At first, Aff had figured it wouldn’t be that bad to pick a few things up, but once the cleaning had actually started, _holy fuck it was so embarrassing._ The sheer amount of junk, of useless shit that had accumulated in their room was astounding. An open umbrella despite it not raining for weeks, reusable shopping bags that never got used in the first place, piles of tissues and medicine from the cold they had weeks ago. Aff’s friends could see the pit-sweat stains left on tee-shirts, the chocolate pudding stain on their pants, their disgusting socks. _Oh god their underwear was everywhere._

Gritting their teeth and getting over their embarrassment, Aff had to admit the room was going to be clean in record time. And if their friends hadn’t shown up, they probably would have been too overwhelmed to even get started. They would have to find a way to thank Sasha later for kicking everyone into gear so that the coming trip wasn’t jeopardized. Aff turned to express their gratitude when Sasha started screaming.

“ _AAHHH!"_

Sasha jumped up from where she was crouched down by Aff’s bed and screamed again.

“ _AAAAH! AAAAAH!”_ She backed away crashing into Cameron shaking her hands and looking repulsed.

“What is it! What is going on?” Cameron and Jamie yelled.

Visibly rattled and still trying to back farther across the room, Sasha’s voice shook as she pointed. “ _Aff there is something under your bed! Something ALIVE!”_

With horror, Aff suddenly remembered the salami.

“Holy fuck,” Jamie muttered dashing to the door and grabbing a broom, “are you sure?”

“What is it?” Cameron asked taking the broom from Jamie and holding it out towards the spot Sasha had pointed at.

“Wait, let me look,” Aff said, there was no use in their friends getting bit by a rabid squirrel or whatever had come to munch on the abandoned snack. The room was utterly quiet and thick with tension as Aff crouch down on all fours to take a look under their bed.

“Be careful,” Cameron whispered.

Aff looked to where they remembered seeing the salami. Nothing had come to eat it however Aff could understand why Sasha had thought it was an animal. The salami was covered in thick brown mold that had grown all over it sticking straight out and turning white and green at the ends. The mold was so thick it looked like the pelt of an extremely surprised creature puffed up in an attempt to look intimidating.

“Oh my god what is that,” Cameron, who had crouched down and finally got a good look at the salami-monster. He reached forward with the edge of the broom tentatively poked it with the broom.

The salami bobbled but didn’t move. Aff bit their lip trying not to laugh.

“Cameron be careful,” Sasha said with a voice full of repulsion.

“Please get your faces away in case that thing goes feral,” Jamie said concerned.

 _Feral salami_. Aff let out a tiny snort and turned their head away so Cameron wouldn’t see their contorted face trying not to laugh.

Cameron poked salami harder and there was a tiny _squelch_ sound. “What the-?” he then turned and saw Aff’s face. “ _Aff what the hell is this?”_

Aff couldn’t stay quiet any longer and laughter exploded from their mouth. They rolled onto their back laughing and not caring that their face was doing that weird scrunch-up thing where they looked super wrinkly.

“Hey! What the fuck is going on?” Cameron yelled punching Af in the side but it only made them laugh harder. Aff was practically rolling on the floor with tears beginning to form in their eyes. They had to tell the others, they had to but Aff could barely catch their breath.

“It’s-” Aff wheezed between giggles “IT’S SALAMI” they shouted.

Cameron, Sasha, and Jamie all stared.

Aff took deep breaths forcing themselves to calm down, “salami, it’s salami that I bought as a snack and forgot about.”

If looks could kill, Aff probably wouldn’t be part of the world of the living. Sasha look furious, Jamie looked frustrated, and Cameron looked shocked. Aff’s heart sank, their friends were definitely pissed. Fuck Aff should have cleaned their room by themselves over the weekend, if they had just gotten off their ass, none of this would have happened-

Suddenly, Sasha’s face cracked into a wide smile, Jamie let out a bark of laughter, and Cameron grimaced before all three of them burst into laughter. Sasha laughed loudly, Jamie cackled and hooted, and Cameron slammed his fist on the ground while he laughed. Seeing their friends laugh made Aff start laughing all over again. Within seconds all of them were all on the ground, looking at the fuzzy salami, poking it with the broom, and rolling on the floor laughing. Their faces turned red and tears ran down their cheeks. They would pause for a few seconds in an attempt to catch their breath but someone would snort or giggle and start everyone back up again.

“Oh my god that is so gross,” Cameron groaned.

“Sasha I almost pissed myself when you screamed,” Jamie said.

“I thought it was a raccoon or something!” Sasha countered.

“I am so, so sorry,” Aff said sitting upright and trying to fan their flushed face.

“You’re never buying salami again,” Sasha ordered pointing a finger at Aff, “never!”

“Just don’t tell my dad,” Aff said nodding and crossing their heart.

“To quote Jamie’s mom,” Cameron picked up the broom and handed it over to Aff, “your mold, your broom or whatever.”

Aff bit their lip and crouched down to start trying to maneuver the salami out from under their bed. Not before Sasha took a picture and Jamie made a video of them attempting to clean it out. The mold stuck to the carpet and underside of the bed, the sausage gave off a faint nauseating odor, and at times Aff had to pause because everyone was laughing all over again.

Not that their friends would let them, but Aff knew they would remember this forever.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't think I can write anything else besides goofy stories.   
> Always store food in food-safe containers according to packaging instructions and expiration dates.


End file.
